After a hard week of high sugars and an emotional child I thought I'd sit down and write this. Those that know me well know that I'm not one to complain or spread my feelings around but I feel the need to get this all out.
Since Riley has been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes I have heard people say that he will be fine as he has me (also type 1) to look after him and that I'm lucky as I understand. I'm definitely not lucky as I have a child with a chronic disease that he has to live with for the rest of his life (unless they find a cure). This upsets me every time I hear it as even though deep down I know that it's not my fault he got diabetes I still live with the pain knowing that I past on the gene. Yes we understand all about diabetes but that does not make it any easier to deal with.
The roller coaster ride of emotions is hard on all of us and probably more so me. Every person is different and while I can handle my lows Riley struggles, he get very emotional and also suffers anxiety at bedtime (sometimes testing up to 4 times just before he goes to sleep). I too suffer anxiety like all Type 1 parents do, putting your child to bed at night terrified that they will have a hypo during the night so severe that they won't wake up is scary (it's rare but has happened).
So yes while I understand all the stress of carb counting, pumping insulin, cannula changes, testing etc it's not easy. It's still hard!!!
We have very limited people that are willing to take on the responsibility of Riley so time away from it all is so hard, mind you I always have myself to deal with so I never get away.
I'm not asking for sympathy (never have) but please don't think that we have it easy. I have been wanting to write this for so long but I hate complaining and I also try to keep things as normal as possible for Riley.
At the end of the day I'm still just a mum and it hurts to see my child go through so much. In the short time Riley has had diabetes he has gone through many blood tests, over 7000 finger pricks, over 400 cannula changes, a few trips to hospital & lots of tears (from all of us).
So please don't judge someone until you walk a day in their shoes. I have a few friends with mental health problems and while I don't understand the daily pain they go through I do my best to support them or if I can't I hope they are getting the help they need. Life is full of many ups and downs so please take the time to care about each other.
I'm happy to answer anyones questions about diabetes. The more people are educated the easier it is for our children.
I'm not that good with words but I hope this helps people understand that little bit more.
Dannii xxxx
